i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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