I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
