I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
