there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
