he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
