High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
