My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
