They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Randomize
