You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
