well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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