The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I don't deserve a penis
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
