Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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