i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
