College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
