Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
