This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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