So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
