Umm I'm too high to move.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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