i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
