His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
