On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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