Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
