Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
