high people should be assigned attendants
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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