I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
