Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
That's how pantless uber rides happen
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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