first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
