allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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