yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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