party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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