Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
