k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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