I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
