I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
