they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
