Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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