Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
