***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
