I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
