who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
