I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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