It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
