The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
