yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
