nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
