I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
jump out the window naked night went bad
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
