Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
