i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
