Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
