Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
