wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
