Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
