we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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