I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
